Bringing Mindfulness to Grief Support

Written By Adrienne Attaberry

June 2020

Recently, it seems that I’ve been hearing the terms “mindful” and “mindfulness” a great deal.  I’ve noticed book titles and articles on a variety of topics ranging from “mindful eating” to claims that “mindfulness is the key to success in business.”  There are websites on the subject which include detailed instructions on how one can harness mindfulness.  And just the other day, I received an e-mail invitation to sign up for a lifetime membership to mindfulness.com at the discounted price of $249.  I’m not sure exactly what that includes but the tag line certainly sounds promising: “Pay once, enjoy forever.”  

Mindfulness certainly isn’t a new term; in fact, it is one of the core principles of Buddhism.  However, these days, the idea of mindfulness is enjoying a new-found popularity, a resurrection of sorts. According to an online definition I found, mindfulness means “…maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens.” Another online definition said, “When we practice mindfulness, our thoughts tune into what we’re sensing in the present moment rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future.”

In my work as a Hospice Bereavement Coordinator, I can certainly appreciate the value in tuning into things in the present moment.  So, when I found an article about using mindfulness as a tool for dealing with grief, I was intrigued.  Having as many tools as possible in our grief-support shed is always a good thing.  Heaven knows bereavement work is not based on a one size fits all premise! 

One of my first thoughts as I started to explore the concept of using mindfulness during grief, was questioning how much of grief actually exists in the present moment.  Isn’t grief primarily based on memories from the past and on projections into the future?  We know that when one is grieving their sadness is in thoughts and feelings of no longer having what they have just lost.  That’s true whether dealing with the death of a loved one or other losses such as the loss of a job or the loss of material things. 

When using mindfulness for grief, perhaps the check-in process could begin with the questions: “How am I feeling in this moment?” and “Where are my thoughts?” With practice and patience, mindfulness could also have enormous benefits in helping those grieving to gain a new appreciation for living in the present . . . really being in the here and now.

Could mindfulness allow one to witness grief more as it naturally unfolds in the moment rather than getting lost in the extremes of avoidance or overwhelm?  With its focus on the now, could mindfulness offer a safeguard to protect those grieving from getting swallowed up by the unpredictable waves of grief? Preparation and having the right tools are everything.

Do you have experiences or comments you would like to share? If so, please send them to Hope Through Healing at hopethroughhealing@gmail.com.

Thank you.