The Shoulder to Lean on Might Be Your Own
Written By Adrienne Attaberry
June 2020
It’s no secret that we humans are social creatures and that we find comfort and support through our interactions with fellow social creatures. It’s also no secret that Covid-19 has kept us isolated, separated, and apart from one another.
Last Friday, for the first time since the start of the pandemic, the hospice I work at in Santa Fe, used Zoom instead of our conference call format for our weekly meeting. Seeing the sweet faces of my co-workers for the first time in over a year—even if it was just through a computer screen— brought tears to my eyes. I hadn’t acknowledged until then how very much I had missed everyone. So true, isn’t it, that we take many things for granted.
Since the beginning of the Covid Pandemic, our hospice has been strictly adhering to state and federal guidelines. Even at this later stage of isolation, no more than 5 team members are allowed to be in the office at the same time. No patient family members are permitted at all. This continued vigilance has resulted in a perfect score . . . not one of our hospice team members or their families has contracted the virus! This is in direct contrast to the fact that every long-term care facility in our city has had cases.
As a hospice bereavement coordinator, I decided to do a little research. My intention was to find how bereavement support has changed because of Covid. I called five hospices (in different states) and asked to speak to their bereavement counselor. Not a single one was in their office! And, unlike many businesses, especially those online, there was no direct connection to the next available agent.
My assumption was correct; many bereavement support folks have been working from home. The landscape for support has changed. Not surprisingly, it seems that in-person support with its hand holding and extending the box of tissues has been replaced by phone calls. I can’t help but wonder what that’s been like for the bereaved. And as I reflect on that, I can’t help but wonder how separation from colleagues has affected the support for those who give support. Is the only shoulder to lean on their own?
To my delight, one of the bereavement coordinators I had left a message for called me. In spite of her busy schedule as manager of grief services of a large hospice, she was eager to share her experience. Because of her concern about the wellbeing of her bereavement staff, she had established weekly Zoom meetings as a means of a check-in with them. Additional benefit of using the Zoom platform was the opportunity for her staff to see and speak with one another. She wanted to make sure that her support counselors felt supported . . . that they felt they had a shoulder to lean on.
Further in our discussion, she raised another question I’ve since been pondering. She voiced her concern that the additional stress of Covid would result in more cases of Compassion Fatigue. But, I’m going to save that for another blog post.
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