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Written By Adrienne Attaberry

June 2020

Recently, it seems that I’ve been hearing the terms “mindful” and “mindfulness” a great deal.  I’ve noticed book titles and articles on a variety of topics ranging from “mindful eating” to claims that “mindfulness is the key to success in business.”  There are websites on the subject which include detailed instructions on how one can harness mindfulness.  And just the other day, I received an e-mail invitation to sign up for a lifetime membership to mindfulness.com at the discounted price of $249.  I’m not sure exactly what that includes but the tag line certainly sounds promising: “Pay once, enjoy forever.”  

Mindfulness certainly isn’t a new term; in fact, it is one of the core principles of Buddhism.  However, these days, the idea of mindfulness is enjoying a new-found popularity, a resurrection of sorts. According to an online definition I found, mindfulness means “…maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens.” Another online definition said, “When we practice mindfulness, our thoughts tune into what we’re sensing in the present moment rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future.”

In my work as a Hospice Bereavement Coordinator, I can certainly appreciate the value in tuning into things in the present moment.  So, when I found an article about using mindfulness as a tool for dealing with grief, I was intrigued.  Having as many tools as possible in our grief-support shed is always a good thing.  Heaven knows bereavement work is not based on a one size fits all premise! 

One of my first thoughts as I started to explore the concept of using mindfulness during grief, was questioning how much of grief actually exists in the present moment.  Isn’t grief primarily based on memories from the past and on projections into the future?  We know that when one is grieving their sadness is in thoughts and feelings of no longer having what they have just lost.  That’s true whether dealing with the death of a loved one or other losses such as the loss of a job or the loss of material things. 

When using mindfulness for grief, perhaps the check-in process could begin with the questions: “How am I feeling in this moment?” and “Where are my thoughts?” With practice and patience, mindfulness could also have enormous benefits in helping those grieving to gain a new appreciation for living in the present . . . really being in the here and now.

Could mindfulness allow one to witness grief more as it naturally unfolds in the moment rather than getting lost in the extremes of avoidance or overwhelm?  With its focus on the now, could mindfulness offer a safeguard to protect those grieving from getting swallowed up by the unpredictable waves of grief? Preparation and having the right tools are everything.

Do you have experiences or comments you would like to share? If so, please send them to Hope Through Healing at hopethroughhealing@gmail.com.

Thank you.

Written By Adrienne Attaberry

June 2020

It’s no secret that we humans are social creatures and that we find comfort and support through our interactions with fellow social creatures.  It’s also no secret that Covid-19 has kept us isolated, separated, and apart from one another. 

Last Friday, for the first time since the start of the pandemic, the hospice I work at in Santa Fe, used Zoom instead of our conference call format for our weekly meeting.  Seeing the sweet faces of my co-workers for the first time in over a year—even if it was just through a computer screen— brought tears to my eyes.  I hadn’t acknowledged until then how very much I had missed everyone. So true, isn’t it, that we take many things for granted.

Since the beginning of the Covid Pandemic, our hospice has been strictly adhering to state and federal guidelines. Even at this later stage of isolation, no more than 5 team members are allowed to be in the office at the same time.  No patient family members are permitted at all.  This continued vigilance has resulted in a perfect score . . . not one of our hospice team members or their families has contracted the virus!  This is in direct contrast to the fact that every long-term care facility in our city has had cases.

As a hospice bereavement coordinator, I decided to do a little research.  My intention was to find how bereavement support has changed because of Covid.  I called five hospices (in different states) and asked to speak to their bereavement counselor. Not a single one was in their office! And, unlike many businesses, especially those online, there was no direct connection to the next available agent. 

My assumption was correct; many bereavement support folks have been working from home.  The landscape for support has changed. Not surprisingly, it seems that in-person support with its hand holding and extending the box of tissues has been replaced by phone calls.  I can’t help but wonder what that’s been like for the bereaved.  And as I reflect on that, I can’t help but wonder how separation from colleagues has affected the support for those who give support. Is the only shoulder to lean on their own?

To my delight, one of the bereavement coordinators I had left a message for called me.  In spite of her busy schedule as manager of grief services of a large hospice, she was eager to share her experience.  Because of her concern about the wellbeing of her bereavement staff, she had established weekly Zoom meetings as a means of a check-in with them. Additional benefit of using the Zoom platform was the opportunity for her staff to see and speak with one another.  She wanted to make sure that her support counselors felt supported . . . that they felt they had a shoulder to lean on.

Further in our discussion, she raised another question I’ve since been pondering.  She voiced her concern that the additional stress of Covid would result in more cases of Compassion Fatigue.  But, I’m going to save that for another blog post.

We would love to share your experiences and comments with others reading this blog.  Please comment below.

Thank you.

At Hope Through Healing Publications, our purpose is simple; we serve the people who care for others.  For over twenty years, we have been grateful to be a trusted partner and provider of bereavement materials.  The comfort given to patients and their families can define their journey.  Whether you are a Hospice Worker, Bereavement Coordinator, Chaplain, Funeral Home Director, or Veterinarian, we are here to support the important work you do.

During the last year, the world has changed, and we marveled as our customers shared stories of how they adapted and modified their delivery of care.  Comfort and hope were needed more than ever and boy did you deliver!

This blog is intended to be a place where we can build community together.  We hope the primary perspective of this blog will highlight the voices and experiences of caregivers and other providers on the front lines.  We want to share stories of individuals and programs that are providing extraordinary and much needed care to others. 

From time to time, our phone rings with a call from a grieving person seeking support.  These callers share their sorrow, but also the profound impact of the caregivers who supported them.  During our conversations we listen, share stories and ultimately try to find them resources in their community.  Grief is something we will all face and while we can’t “fix” it for others, we can offer kindness and comfort as they move through it.

Our family had our own hospice experience this winter, as we said goodbye to my Father-in-law.  Like so many families in this time of Covid-19, several of our loved ones could not be there.  The hospice program who worked with us listened, guided us and helped all of us through this very difficult experience.  Needless to say, this experience deepened our appreciation of caregivers. 

My favorite part of this job is getting to know our customers.  While this has mostly been through phone conversations, I have met so many wonderful people and have grown to appreciate their compassion, innovation and strength.  These conversations sparked the idea for starting this blog, as a way to share ideas and build community.  I have learned so much from caregivers and wanted to expand the conversation to all of you.

We are excited to see where this blog takes us and to see how it takes shape.  We hope you will engage with us by sharing your stories, experiences and ideas.  How has the last year impacted you and your program?  What has given you hope and inspiration?  We look forward to hearing from you and hope you will feel inclined to share with us. 

Peace,

Lisa Huycke